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Guest Post by Melissa Sulley of Josiah + Co.
Pregnancy loss and infant loss are among the most painful experiences a family can endure—yet they are often surrounded by silence. Many people want to help but don’t know what to say or do. If you’re wondering how to support someone through pregnancy loss or infant loss, know this: your presence matters more than perfection.
Grief runs deep in my bones.
Five times I’ve had to say goodbye to my babies. At different stages in my pregnancies, their tiny hearts gave out, and I may never know why.
Each time we experienced loss, we learned just how important community is in moments of deep grief. We also learned what support helped—and what didn’t—when we were given space to grieve our babies.
For far too long, miscarriage and pregnancy loss have been swept under the rug, leaving women and families to navigate confusing, painful emotions alone. As I’ve walked this road, I’ve become passionate about breaking the stigma and reminding others that they are not alone and do not need to grieve silently.
I want to give parents the freedom to grieve, to speak their babies’ names, and to offer guidance to those who want to support someone walking through pregnancy or infant loss.
Below is a list of the most meaningful ways our community has supported us. I hope it helps you support someone you love.
This has been, by far, the most helpful support for our family.
After pregnancy loss, I was exhausted, emotional, and recovering physically—much like after giving birth to a living child. Cooking was the last thing I wanted to do. If we bring meals to parents with a newborn, we should also bring meals to parents grieving a loss.
A friend organized a meal train using Take Them a Meal, which helped space deliveries and removed pressure. One important note: some parents may not want to visit during drop-off. Be mindful and respectful of their boundaries.
For families with living children, childcare support can be invaluable. Offer to:
Take their kids to the park
Arrange a playdate
Walk children to or from school
Even an hour of quiet can give grieving parents space to rest or cry.
If you’re close to the family, showing up and helping with chores can be incredibly supportive. Dishes, laundry, sweeping—small acts can feel overwhelming during grief, and relieving that burden matters.
After our fifth loss, we were desperate for time away as a family. A close friend rallied others to contribute to a vacation fund, and I sobbed uncontrollably when she told us.
This kind of generosity can help families cover:
Medical expenses
Time off work
Travel or healing retreats
Pregnancy loss is rarely accommodated with formal leave, yet the need for recovery is very real.
If your friend enjoys reading, a thoughtfully chosen book on grief or pregnancy loss can help them feel seen. Gentle resources can provide comfort during moments when conversation feels impossible.
Never underestimate the power of a card. Even if it’s not acknowledged right away, it has likely been read, cried over, and deeply appreciated. It says, “I see you, and I remember your baby.”
If appropriate for your friend, consider a meaningful keepsake such as:
Jewelry with the baby’s name or initials
Symbolic pieces (seeds, nests, hearts)
Stuffed animals or custom embroidery
These tangible reminders validate that the baby existed and mattered.
If there are siblings, small gifts like colouring books, crayons, or stuffed animals can bring moments of joy and show the entire family they are supported.
Flowers can be comforting for some, overwhelming for others. If your friend loves plants, a living plant can be a gentle, lasting reminder of care and support.
If the baby was named, say their name. Your friend hasn’t forgotten it. Hearing it spoken aloud acknowledges their child’s life and honors their grief.
Key dates can be incredibly hard:
Due dates
Anniversary of the loss
Mother’s Day or Father’s Day
A simple message on these days can mean more than you know.
Well-intentioned platitudes can be deeply hurtful. Avoid phrases like:
“Everything happens for a reason”
“At least you can get pregnant”
“You’ll have another baby”
Instead, try:
“This really sucks.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I’m here with you.”
When in doubt, sincerity matters more than saying the “right” thing.
You don’t need to offer advice. Just listen. Give your friend permission to talk—or not talk—about their loss on their own terms.
Sometimes support looks like sitting on the couch with a glass of wine or a cup of coffee and saying, “This is awful,” and letting the tears come. Presence is powerful.
Everyone grieves pregnancy loss and infant loss differently. What helped me may not help someone else. Always consider your friend’s personality, boundaries, and cues.
From the bottom of my heart, I am so deeply sorry if you are walking this road—or supporting someone who is. I know the pain and the complexity of grieving a loss like this. Please know that you are not alone, and neither is your baby.
This post was originally published on The Lil’ Helper Blog and Josiah + Co. Blog
Melissa Sulley is a Rainbow Baby Mama, founder of Josiah + Co., and a past speaker at the Bump, Baby & Toddler Expo.
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